"How long do you have to get hit in the head before you start asking who's hitting you in the head?"

Friday, March 31, 2006

A-Ha! No One Expects the Science Class Inquisition!

Stories like this are on the rise, and they make me so sad.

It’s sad that these kids are trained to challenge science but not religion.

There’s an intelligent design, all right—but the designers are human, and the design is to maintain an ignorant, unquestioning, and docile population. What freaks me out is that it works almost as well today as it did in the Dark Ages.

Can I reason with people trained to believe I’m a minion of the devil, sent to “trick” them into apostasy?

Can I reason with people trained to believe that rejecting superstition will consign them to eternal hellfire?

Can I reason with people trained to believe that morality is synonymous with Christianity?

No, no, and no.

Well, it’s a gorgeous Friday, so I’m going to open my windows, crank up the stereo, and enjoy a few beers outside in the sun. I’m starting my weekend with a toast to all of you hardworking science teachers out there: Illegitimis nil carborundum!

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Thursday, March 30, 2006

He Said What ?

Violence in Iraq continues unabated, we’re so desperate for “good news” that we paid the Lincoln Group $80,000 per week to plant it, and the best Bush can come up with is to tell Iraqi leaders to “get governing”?


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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Withdrawal Methodist

Cheers to North Carolina minister Howard Hanger, who took a stand for equal rights by resigning his ordination.

From his statement:

"This is an extremely difficult decision. Both my father and grandfather were Methodist ministers, one of whom left the church over his opposition to war and the other who got into trouble with the church over his pro-civil rights stance."

[. . .]

"My hope and prayer is that United Methodists and all other denominations may soon realize that love is love; and what our world needs now is love, not discrimination."

Spoken like a true freethinker…

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Monday, March 27, 2006

First, Do Harm

An Iraqi MD cites his hatred of Americans and “what they've done to Iraq" as his motivation for murdering “at least 35” of the wounded police officers and soldiers entrusted to his care.

Think about that: This man is a doctor—not a brutish clansman, a loony cleric, or even a pissed off, unemployed construction worker—yet he harbors such deep, seething hatred for the US that he killed those of his own countrymen he viewed as collaborators.



We Said, Shia Said

Looking for good news from Iraq? The good news, apparently, is that we say things are going just a little bit better than the Iraqis say they are.

For example, the Iraqi Defense Ministry claims a suicide bomber killed 40 people outside a US-Iraqi military base. The US military says only 30 people were killed.

Whew! Only 30! That’s much better news!

Also, the Iraqi Interior Minister says the US attacked a mosque and killed those worshipping inside. But, according to the US, what we really attacked was “a compound of several buildings,” and “no mosques were entered or damaged during this operation.”

Goody! I mean, it’s a shame that the Iraqi government is lying and all, but I’m happy to hear we didn’t attack a mosque! That could’ve led to real trouble!


Friday, March 24, 2006

Feel the Love

A new study confirms what most atheists already know—that our fellow citizens rate us “below Muslims, recent immigrants, homosexuals and other groups as ‘sharing their vision of American society.’ Americans are also least willing to let their children marry atheists.”

[. . .]

Don’t worry, though: In our defense, the newspaper cites. . .a college freshman!

“First-year biology student Joe Reutiman calls the results a ‘sad state of affairs.’

“‘(Atheists) have the right to believe whatever they want, even if that belief is nothing,’ Reutiman said. ‘They shouldn’t have to fit in with the clean-cut American life like a Norman Rockwell painting.’”

While I realize Joe’s statement is well-intentioned, it only serves to reinforce harmful stereotypes, which in turn lead to study results like those cited above.

First of all, just because atheists don’t believe in a supernatural father figure who resides in a place called heaven and concerns himself with all things terrestrial doesn’t mean we don’t believe in anything. Personally, I believe in lots of things—I believe that honest scientific inquiry is a means to a more enlightened, productive, and peaceful world, for instance. I also believe that I have the power to create beauty, meaning, and purpose in my own life—I don’t need to rely on a mystical leader or on frankly barbaric, misogynistic, and often-contradictory myth to make sense of things.

And I’m pretty clean-cut, too: I’ve been happily married since 1980, my husband and I have raised a good-natured, open-minded, and very witty son (who, by the way, is engaged to—GASP!—a Christian!), I work hard, I pay taxes, and I floss every night before bed.

So—all you atheists, humanists, freethinkers, and agnostics out there, closeted or otherwise—what do you believe in?

(hat tip to bitch lab)


Thursday, March 23, 2006

A Modern-Day Miracle: Faith-Based Groups Turn Crises into Cash

From the WaPo:

“Altogether, local antiabortion and crisis pregnancy centers have received well over $60 million in grants for abstinence education and other programs.”

Glory! That’s a lot of moolah for the mullahs! How much of that money is spent on caring for the post-born, I wonder?

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All Your Dollar Reserves Are Belong to Us!

“The United Arab Emirates said it was considering moving one-tenth of its dollar reserves to the euro, while the governor of the Saudi Arabian central bank condemned the decision by the United States to force Dubai Ports World to transfer its ownership to a ‘US entity,’ the UK Independent reported.”


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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

B-E-L-I-E-V-E! That’s the Way We Spell Success!

Q: Mr. President, all facts aside, could you please tell us what you believe?

A: “I believe that my job is to go out and explain to the people what's on my mind. That's why I'm having this press conference, see? I'm telling you what's on my mind.”

Q: Um…okay. So…what do you believe about the war?

A: “You know, I've heard people say, ‘Oh, you know, he's just kind of optimistic for the sake of optimism.’ Well, look, I believe we're going to succeed.”

“Secondly, I am confident -- or I believe I'm optimistic -- we'll succeed. If not, I'd pull our troops out. If I didn't believe we had a plan for victory.”

“They've declared Iraq to be the central front. And, therefore, we've got to make sure we win that. And I believe we will.”

“And so, most importantly, I believe a unity government will begin to affect the attitudes of the Iraqis, and that's important for them to get confidence not only in the government, but in a security force that will provide them security.”

Q: Um… Mr. President? I couldn’t quite follow that last one…it’s a little convoluted and off message. Could you maybe start reading from your notes again?

A: “And I'm going to say it again: If I didn't believe we could succeed, I wouldn't be there. I wouldn't put those kids there. I meet with too many families who's [sic semper Bush!] lost a loved one to not be able to look them in the eye and say, ‘We're doing the right thing.’ And we are doing a right thing.”

“And so, I've got to continue to speak as clearly as I possibly can about the consequences of success and the consequences of failure, and why I believe we can succeed.”

Q: Thank you, Mr. President! In closing, could you throw some red meat to your base?

A: “I believe society's interests are met by defining marriage as between a man and a woman. That's what I believe.”

Q: Thank you, sir!

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

The Bonny Blue Flag

(I’m waiting for a complete transcript of the press conference, so in the meantime I’m reposting a reworded version of an earlier post.)

With so many states returning to their godly roots, I think an anthem is in order. At first, I thought Christianity Uber Alles would be perfect, but my proficiency in German just wasn’t up to the task. I was momentarily discouraged, but then I remembered The Bonny Blue Flag. It’s a wonderful old tune, and for many its sentiment is just as true today as it was in the 1860s! I’ve reworked the original only slightly; I hope you find it inspirational.

The Bonny Blue Flag ‘06

We are a band of brothers and native to the soil,
Fighting for the uteri that women might despoil.
And when our rights were threatened, the cry rose near and far,
Hurrah for the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.

Chorus: Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah for Hetero-Christian Men’s Rights, Hurrah!
Three cheers for the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.

As long as the union of homos was taboo,
Like friends and brethren, kind were we and true,
But now when liberal treachery attempts our rights to mar,
We hoist on high the Bonnie Blue flag that bears a single star.


First gallant South Dakota nobly made the stand,
Then came Blunt’s Missouri, where the pill is contraband.
Soon Tennessee’s “Choose Life” will be seen on every car!
All raised the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.


And here’s to brave Virginia, the Old Dominion State,
Where Kaine says you can marry, as long as you are straight.
Impelled by her example, now other states prepare,
To hoist on high the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.


Then here’s to our Confederacy, strong we are and brave,
Like patriots of old we’ll fight, our heritage to save.
And rather than submit to shame, to regress we would prefer,
So cheer for the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star!

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Monday, March 20, 2006

When All Else Fails, Re-Brand!

George Bush—who not too long ago strutted and preened as The War President—can no longer bring himself to utter the word. Yesterday he spoke about the “third anniversary of the beginning of the liberation of Iraq.”

Once again, he claimed that he’s “implementing a strategy that will lead to victory in Iraq,” but he failed to say how much more fraud, and torture, and death we must endure until that “victory” comes.

George Bush: The War Beginning of the Liberation of Iraq President

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Sunday, March 19, 2006

Thanks for the Timely Information, Traditional Media!

Bush has been bullshitting the American public for years, but for some reason snow jobs weren’t deemed as newsworthy as blow jobs.

Now, however, after 48% of us have already figured out that Bush is “incompetent,” an “idiot,” and a “liar,” the AP courageously reports on his repeated use of a logical fallacy—the straw man argument—in speeches.

Repeat after me, George: “Fallacy good; fellatio bad.”

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Friday, March 17, 2006

Pursuing Hypocrisy

Today I stumbled upon a blog called Pursuing Holiness. As I scrolled down and checked out the sidebar, I saw an ad for The Gitmo Cookbook (“Support the Troops. Mock the Mainstream Media. Eat Like a Gitmo Detainee.”).

Think about it: A blogger whose religion reveres Christ—who according to sacred legend was arrested, beaten, and scorned—now champions arresting, beating, and scorning others. Ironic, ain’t it? I mean, whatever happened to “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me”?

Oh, wait, I forgot: The New Testament is so September 10th.



I started running a few months ago, and tomorrow is my first 8k. Distance-wise, I know I can do it, but I’m still a little nervous because I don’t really know what to expect. Wish me luck!


Thursday, March 16, 2006

“On Every Street in Every City, There's a Nobody Who Dreams of Being a Somebody.”

Not so very long ago, Bush’s Travis Bickle posturing awed and delighted the American public. Well, the hooligan-hero is back, and he’s talkin’ preemption, baby:

"If necessary, however, under long-standing principles of self defense, we do not rule out use of force before attacks occur, even if uncertainty remains as to the time and place of the enemy's attack."

“You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me?”

Is this tough-guy stance enough to shore up his abysmal poll numbers? Stay tuned.

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Flashback 2003: “Major Combat Operations in the 'Unbelievable Mess' of Iraq Have Ended”

From The Guardian:

“John Sawers, Mr Blair's envoy in Baghdad in the aftermath of the invasion, sent a series of confidential memos to Downing Street in May and June 2003 cataloguing US failures. With unusual frankness, he described the US postwar administration, led by the retired general Jay Garner, as ‘an unbelievable mess’ and said ‘Garner and his top team of 60-year-old retired generals’ were ‘well-meaning but out of their depth.’

“That assessment is reinforced by Major General Albert Whitley, the most senior British officer with the US land forces. Gen Whitley, in another memo later that summer, expressed alarm that the US-British coalition was in danger of losing the peace. ‘We may have been seduced into something we might be inclined to regret. Is strategic failure a possibility? The answer has to be ‘yes’,” he concluded.”

Hmm…What else happened in May of 2003? Oh, yeah…now I remember:

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Monday, March 13, 2006

Do You Remember Stalag 17 ?

There’s a scene in the movie where a POW gets a letter from his wife that says something like “you’re not going to believe it, but I found a baby on our doorstep” and “you’re not going to believe it, but it looks just like me.” The poor guy just can’t bring himself to confront the obvious, so he sort of goes into a trance, saying “I believe it” over and over again.

Well, that’s how I think most pro-torture “war on terror” mongers must react when they read articles like this one:

Detainee in Photo With Dog Was 'High-Value' Suspect

Sure, US interrogators threatened him with a dog, but only because he was deemed a “high-value” suspect—nicknamed "al-Qaeda," no less. He was so very high value, in fact, that he was subsequently released.

Repeat after me: I believe it…I believe it…


Friday, March 10, 2006

Too Little, Too Late

These latest poll numbers may be bad news for a handful of politicians who prospered as Bush allies, but the truly bad news is that much of the real-world damage wrought by this petulant, shiftless child of privilege won’t be undone soon enough to help the countless others who have suffered as his mere subjects.

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Quote of the Day

Kurt Vonnegut:
“George W. Bush is the syphilis president.”

Read the article here.


Thursday, March 09, 2006

Bill Napoli, Sexist Asshat

Bill Napoli (R-Sexist Asshat)

Join Bitch Lab in Google bombing SD Senator Bill Napoli, of “sodomized religious virgin” fame (background text here/video here).

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Please, Sirs, We Want Some More

Rice, Rumsfeld, Abizaid, and Pace appeared before the Senate Appropriations Committee today to ask for billions in additional war funding. According to Rice, Iraqi insurgents “would like to see that political process halted so that Iraq might devolve into chaos and conflict.”

Might?!? Might?!? Ms. Rice needs to spend less time in the gym and more time doing her fucking job. She can start with a refresher course on current events, and then I strongly suggest that she review modals.

“Rumsfeld told the panel he was disappointed that the House Appropriations Committee on Wednesday trimmed by $1 billion the Pentagon's request for $5.9 billion to continue training Iraqi and Afghan security forces.”

[. . .]

“Abizaid told the committee that the $5.9 billion is vital to successfully completing the development of Iraqi and Afghan police and military forces.”

Um, you guys? If you’re referring to these Iraqi police forces, you might have Rice on your faces.* (And what does “successfully completing the development of” mean, anyway?)

“Rice's opening statement to the committee was interrupted by a man in the audience who stood and shouted, ‘How many of you have children in this illegal and immoral war? The blood is on your hands and you cannot wash it away.’ As he was escorted from the room by security officers the man also shouted, ‘Fire Rumsfeld.’”

What he said.

* To have Rice on one’s face: To be left in an embarrassing or humiliating situation, especially as a result of being abjectly and willfully ignorant or in denial.

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There They Go Again

From The Guardian:

“Polls suggest many Americans are now convinced Iran is the new public enemy No 1. Forty-seven percent told Zogby International they favoured military action to halt its nuclear activities.”


“Mr Bolton is expected to seek a 30-day UN deadline for Iran to back down or face counter-measures.”

Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again…

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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Free Speech Impediment

At Wonkette, an “embedded operative” lists sites that are banned or approved by the Marines, while consortiumnews (citing Zogby) reports that “85 percent of the troops questioned believe they are fighting in Iraq ‘to retaliate for Saddam’s role in the 9-11 attacks.’”

Hmm…I wonder if there’s some sort of inference to be made here?

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International Women’s Day

In Mexico, a teenaged rape victim who was denied an abortion is victorious in court; protests against rape, honor killings, and acid attacks are held throughout Asia.

Curiously, in its coverage of the acid attack protest, the LA Times reports that only men marched, while the WaPo story reports “both men and women” participated.

Click here to view some current statistics. Here’s a sample:

1% of the titled land in the world is owned by women.

1,440 women die each day during childbirth (a rate of one death every minute).

70% of the 1.2 billion people living in poverty are women and children.

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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Poppy Alert!

News from Afghanistan, short version: A 20 percent increase in violence, “including more suicide bombings and a doubling of strikes by improvised explosive devices,” is no big deal. The real threat, the “most serious problem,” is poppy cultivation.


Monday, March 06, 2006

South Dakota to Rapists: Go Forth and Multiply

Governor Mike Rounds signed the SD Anti-Abortion Bill into law. Although he has “declined all media requests for interviews,” you can email him here to thank him for being a bold champion of rapists’ rights, or to voice your surprise at the lack of a “religious virgin” exception clause.

Read the text of the bill here.

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My Broker is R.B. Cheney, and He Says…

Many American families are in serious financial trouble these days, having no real savings or retirement plans.

Fortunately, multi-millionaire Dick Cheney (R-Halliburton) offers an amazingly simple solution to a complex problem: these folks merely need “to do a better job of saving” their money!

Hey, all of you fiscally insecure Americans: don’t you feel foolish for not having thought of that yourselves?

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Friday, March 03, 2006

Amen, Brother Buttars!

I admire a man with the conviction to say incest isn’t about daughters’ rights, because the rights they had were when they decided to bone their dads, or that rape isn’t about victims’ rights, because the rights they had were when they decided to leave the house.

Okay…to be fair, Chris Buttars didn’t say that, exactly; what he said was this:

"Abortion isn't about women's rights. The rights they had were when they made the decision to have sex."

And sometimes the decision to have sex with your father is wholly necessary to, you know, “preserve his seed”:

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Heat the Rich

Rep. Joe Barton (R-Texas—big surprise, huh?) thinks Venezuela’s charitable donation of heating oil to help America’s poor may be "part of an unfriendly government's increasingly belligerent and hostile foreign policy."

Click here to read the transcript of a Barton phone interview and related press. Larry Neal’s response to Joe Kennedy is a real hoot.

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I Console Dead People

Overheard on TV while I was at the dentist today; just confirmed via whitehouse.gov—the Bush verbal gem of the day:

“We also send the condolences to the people from Pakistan who lost their lives.”

What a 'tard.


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Why Doesn’t the Media Report the Good News from Monaco?

According to 63 “former prime ministers, foreign ministers, heads of intelligence services, newspaper editors, TV news executives, [and] current and former heads of major international organizations,” the decision to invade Iraq is “the worst geopolitical blunder” in US history.

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