Goodbye...

...you ignorant, bloodthirsty piece of shit.

“Hello?...Tony? Pootie?....anybody there?”


Tags: goodbye, george w bush, goodbye george w bush, rat bastard, goodbye george w bush you rat bastard, smug, goodbye george w bush you smug rat bastard, half-witted, goodbye george w bush you smug half-witted rat bastard

w00t! President Obama!

And yes, as a matter of fact, I am drunk. I'm celebrating, ferchristssake!



I'm still sweating the propositions here in California, though, especially 8. As exciting and uplifting as tonight has been, it'll be a sad goddamned day if we actually amend our constitution in order to exclude people. Fucking Mormons!

One For the Books

Christian men regret having “had abortions”:

In the end, Aubert says his moral objection to abortion always wins. If he could go back in time, he would try to save the babies.

But would his long-ago girlfriends agree? Or might they also consider the abortions a choice that set them on a better path?

Aubert looks startled. "I never really thought about it for the woman," he says slowly.

Jeebus.

Tags: reproductive rights, fundie follies, wtf

The Family Unit

As envisioned by the forced-childbirth movement:

Father

(m)Other

Person*

*Status subject to change at birth

Tags: reproductive rights, forced childbirth

An Open Letter to Wal-Mart

Dear Wal-Mart,

Recently, I had an epiphany while watching a DVD that contained footage of your inspiring Wal-Mart cheer. For some strange reason, as the associates writhed about while screaming “Give me a squiggly!” I envisioned the sacred spermatozoa. That got me to thinking about Wal-Mart’s prudent decision to forgo selling emergency contraception, which is the reason for this letter.

What is Wal-Mart’s policy regarding prescriptions for Viagra or Cialis? In other words, before making erections physically possible, are Wal-Mart pharmacists certain that they are morally permissible? If not, I sincerely ask that you immediately re-think company policy. I suggest that all male customers tendering such a prescription be required to show a valid certificate of marriage. Further, these men’s wives should have to accompany them and show proper identification. That way, your pharmacists will know that each man is in a monogamous, church-and-state-approved union to a woman of childbearing age. Otherwise, Wal-Mart might be unwittingly abetting these men in wasting their “squigglies” on some of the same wanton women who request emergency contraception—thoughtless women who all too late regret having had sex for pure pleasure or, in the case of rape, having been foolish enough to travel about unchaperoned.

In closing, I highly commend you for your virtuous resolution to withhold emergency contraception from women. Doing so was an important step, but I fervently hope it was but the first step toward a glorious era of truly righteous retail.

Sincerely Yours,

Lee

PS: I will write again soon with my thoughts on makeup, tank tops, and beer, all of which, unfortunately, you continue to distribute with reckless disregard.

Tags: wal-mart, emergency contraception, boner pills

WTF?!? The Devil ?!?

What a crazy world we’re living in!

Please read this article from yesterday’s NYT magazine—and while you do, keep in mind that this woman is only slightly more chock full o’ kookitude than some US policymakers:

Julia Regina de Cardenal runs the Yes to Life Foundation in San Salvador, which provides prenatal care and job training to poor pregnant women. She was a key advocate for the passage of the ban. She argued that the existing law's exception for the life of the mother was outdated. As she explained to me, "There does not exist any case in which the life of the mother would be in danger, because technology has advanced so far." De Cardenal was particularly vehement in responding in print to her opponents. As she wrote in one Salvadoran newspaper column in 1997, "The Devil, tireless Prince of Lies, has tried and will continue to try to change our laws in order to kill our babies."

Hmm…I wonder if Bill Napoli read this article. Remember Bill? He’s the sexist asshat who said that sodomized religious virgins might—just might—be legally able to terminate their pregnancies in the great state of South Dakota. But wait—sodomy doesn’t result in pregnancy, does it? No, unless—of course!—the devil supernaturally intervenes and makes it happen! Did you think of that, Bill? Maybe the devil is trying to trick you into helping him kill precious little sodomy babies!

A Modern-Day Miracle: Faith-Based Groups Turn Crises into Cash

From the WaPo:

“Altogether, local antiabortion and crisis pregnancy centers have received well over $60 million in grants for abstinence education and other programs.”

Glory! That’s a lot of moolah for the mullahs! How much of that money is spent on caring for the post-born, I wonder?

The Bonny Blue Flag

(I’m waiting for a complete transcript of the press conference, so in the meantime I’m reposting a reworded version of an earlier post.)

With so many states returning to their godly roots, I think an anthem is in order. At first, I thought Christianity Uber Alles would be perfect, but my proficiency in German just wasn’t up to the task. I was momentarily discouraged, but then I remembered The Bonny Blue Flag. It’s a wonderful old tune, and for many its sentiment is just as true today as it was in the 1860s! I’ve reworked the original only slightly; I hope you find it inspirational.

The Bonny Blue Flag ‘06

We are a band of brothers and native to the soil,
Fighting for the uteri that women might despoil.
And when our rights were threatened, the cry rose near and far,
Hurrah for the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.

Chorus: Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah for Hetero-Christian Men’s Rights, Hurrah!
Three cheers for the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.

As long as the union of homos was taboo,
Like friends and brethren, kind were we and true,
But now when liberal treachery attempts our rights to mar,
We hoist on high the Bonnie Blue flag that bears a single star.

Chorus

First gallant South Dakota nobly made the stand,
Then came Blunt’s Missouri, where the pill is contraband.
Soon Tennessee’s “Choose Life” will be seen on every car!
All raised the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.

Chorus

And here’s to brave Virginia, the Old Dominion State,
Where Kaine says you can marry, as long as you are straight.
Impelled by her example, now other states prepare,
To hoist on high the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.

Chorus

Then here’s to our Confederacy, strong we are and brave,
Like patriots of old we’ll fight, our heritage to save.
And rather than submit to shame, to regress we would prefer,
So cheer for the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star!

Bill Napoli, Sexist Asshat

Bill Napoli (R-Sexist Asshat)

Join Bitch Lab in Google bombing SD Senator Bill Napoli, of “sodomized religious virgin” fame (background text here/video here).

International Women’s Day

In Mexico, a teenaged rape victim who was denied an abortion is victorious in court; protests against rape, honor killings, and acid attacks are held throughout Asia.

Curiously, in its coverage of the acid attack protest, the LA Times reports that only men marched, while the WaPo story reports “both men and women” participated.

Click here to view some current statistics. Here’s a sample:

1% of the titled land in the world is owned by women.

1,440 women die each day during childbirth (a rate of one death every minute).

70% of the 1.2 billion people living in poverty are women and children.

South Dakota to Rapists: Go Forth and Multiply

Governor Mike Rounds signed the SD Anti-Abortion Bill into law. Although he has “declined all media requests for interviews,” you can email him here to thank him for being a bold champion of rapists’ rights, or to voice your surprise at the lack of a “religious virgin” exception clause.

Read the text of the bill here.

Amen, Brother Buttars!

I admire a man with the conviction to say incest isn’t about daughters’ rights, because the rights they had were when they decided to bone their dads, or that rape isn’t about victims’ rights, because the rights they had were when they decided to leave the house.

Okay…to be fair, Chris Buttars didn’t say that, exactly; what he said was this:

"Abortion isn't about women's rights. The rights they had were when they made the decision to have sex."

And sometimes the decision to have sex with your father is wholly necessary to, you know, “preserve his seed”:

South Dakota: Great Faces, Great Places

Famous South Dakotans: Tom Brokaw, Sparky Anderson, Mamie Van Doren

State fish: the walleye

State motto: “Under God the people rule”

Governor: Mike Rounds

Fun fact: The state recognizes a rapist’s fundamental right to total dominion over his victims.

Idiots! Gosh!

If you believe the Constitution “has to change with society,” Scalia thinks you’re an idiot.

Now, I’m no legal scholar, but I thought the Constitution did change as society changed…you know, through…oh, what do you call 'em…oh, yeah: Amendments.

And apparently, Scalia doesn’t think civil rights are a federal issue:

"‘They are not looking for legal flexibility, they are looking for rigidity, whether it's the right to abortion or the right to homosexual activity, they want that right to be embedded from coast to coast and to be unchangeable.’”

Dude, language like that is so 1860! But, as the saying goes, everything old is new again. And with that in mind, here’s a little song for you, Antonin!

Scalia’s Blues: The Bonny Blue Flag ‘06

We are a band of brothers and native to the soil,
Fighting for the property we gained through honest toil Uteri that women might despoil.
And when our rights were threatened the cry rose near and far,
Hurrah for the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.

Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah for Southern Rich White Men’s Rights Hurrah.
Three cheers for the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.

As long as the Union was faithful to her trust of homos was taboo,
Like friends and brethren, kind were we and just true,
But now when Northern liberal treachery attempts our rights to mar,
We hoist on high the Bonnie Blue flag that bears a single star.

Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah for Southern Rich White Men’s Rights Hurrah.
Three cheers for the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.

[. . .]

Then here’s to our Confederacy, strong we are and brave,
Like patriots of old we’ll fight, our heritage to save.
And rather than submit to shame, to die regress we would prefer,
So cheer for the Bonnie Blue Flag that bears a single star.

More on Roe

Check out bushvchoice.com for a thought-provoking look at the current state of reproductive rights in the US.

Some thoughts on the 33rd anniversary of Roe v Wade

I don’t usually quote bumper stickers, but in this case the expression “Against abortion? Don’t have one” provides an excellent summation of my pro-choice views. To me, choice is simply allowing a woman control over her reproductive life, giving her the freedom to decide when and if to bear children—what reasonable person would want it any other way? The very idea of forcing a woman to have a child against her will is appalling to me.

As such, I’ll not be baited into “pro-life” arguments based on religious beliefs. The United States government maintains (for the time being, anyway,) a wall of separation between church and state and protects me from the compulsion to observe, much less submit to, any religious doctrine that differs from my own.

And I’ll not argue with those who rely upon gruesome and provocative language when describing the abortion procedure. A rudimentary knowledge of anatomy and physiology makes clear the differences between a blastocyst, an embryo, a fetus, and a child.

Nor will I argue with those who employ what I call the “Beretta” claim (“don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time”). In my opinion, this approach is sexist and hypocritical, and I will continue to think so until Viagra and Cialis are made as difficult to obtain as Plan B.

What I will do, however, is continue to sign petitions, call or write my representatives, and rally with like-minded women and men in order to keep abortion safe and legal.