olio

"How long do you have to get hit in the head before you start asking who's hitting you in the head?"

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Thank GOD for the Beach Burka!

The makers of WholesomeWear swimsuits would like women to cover up their tummies. And their backs. And their arms. And half their legs. The Oregon company, based outside Portland, sells a collection of swimwear online that consists of a wet suit topped by a dress. The spandex underpinning is not sufficient on its own because bystanders would still be able to make out the curves of the woman's body. The nylon overdress takes care of any audacious display of an hourglass shape.


The company may not be preaching to a specific denomination, but it is nonetheless preaching. Ferguson describes her family as "Christian people who love the Lord." And the swimsuits are "a ministry."


WholesomeWear is far better than the immoral alternative, I guess…but if you ask me, only unsaved whores would want to go to the beach in the first place! And maybe witches—they can float, you know. Why don’t the good husbands and fathers of these imperfect, imperiled females take dominion over them and keep them indoors where they can’t entice decent, god-fearing men into sinful thoughts or actions?

And although the beach burka is a good way to protect men from the sight of our dirty, shameful lady parts, I don't think it goes quite far enough: Perhaps we should bring back the post-menstrual turtle sacrifice, too.

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6 Comments:

At 9:27 PM, Blogger Bob Boyd said...

Great satire. Cracked me up. Got here on Blog Explosion.

 
At 12:35 AM, Blogger Laura said...

Love your post! Though the last time I tried on a bathing suit and saw my fat white thighs and dumpy stomach, I would have probably given the beach burka a second look.

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger E.I. said...

Think that's nutty? Check out this site: http://www.hasema.com/en/

 
At 2:57 PM, Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

I think we should go back to the dark ages, you see then I would understand how an idiot like George Bush would be made a leader.

 
At 1:48 PM, Blogger Amy Guth said...

Sign me up for a beach burka. Oy vey.

 
At 7:19 PM, Blogger lee said...

Thanks for the comments, everyone!
And ole blue: I think we're on our way...

 

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