olio

Sex in Christ

2010-07-16T18:25:00.000-07:00

Let your boyfriend hit ya where the good lord split ya!

[M]any Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex. Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: "How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ' Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)

Parody or not? You decide…

Tags: sex in christ, anal sex, fundie follies, wtf?

Huh?

2010-05-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

Apparently, special additives in Winston cigarettes help build strong muscles...

...but may also cause substantial hair loss.

Tags: japan, cigarettes, wtf?

Mmm!

2010-05-16T19:49:00.000-07:00

They sell beer in vending machines here! I'm working, so I haven't bought any (yet), but I've seen other people do it. They also sell this:

Tags: japan, vending machines, pocari sweat

I'm in Tokyo!

2010-05-16T03:09:00.000-07:00

And my trip is off to a very good start. Here's what I found, right off the bat, at Narita airport:

Who knows what treasures I'll discover next...

japan, smorking

Not Dead...

2010-05-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

...just working my ass off. I'm leaving for Japan on Friday; maybe I'll post a blurry, poorly framed picture or two.

Before I disappear again, though: Is it me, or have police officers been tasering the shit out of people lately? When Tasers were first introduced, I distinctly remember they were hailed as an alternative to the use of deadly force. Apparently that's no longer the case...or maybe running onto a ball field, failing to sign a traffic ticket, or exercising one's right to free speech are capital offenses these days.

Tags: japan, taser

Wow!

2009-10-30T11:20:00.001-07:00

I'm in Brussels!

This city is pretty darn cool. Tomorrow I'll be in Berlin—I hear it's a happenin' place, too...

You Learn Something New Every Day!

2009-09-13T15:26:00.000-07:00

For example, I always thought that the UN voted to create the state of Israel, but apparently it was created by a miracle—and the UN "has hated them [sic] ever since." Also, I always believed natural disasters were, um, natural, but apparently they're sent by a homicidal deity* who goes absolutely batshit whenever anyone "messes with" his favorite patch of dirt.

See for yourself:

This explains a lot, doesn't it?

*"God is scary—to His enemies."

Tags: chick tracts, fundie follies

Prosperity Gospel

2009-08-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

Also known as "Wish in one hand and shit in the other":

Stephen Biellier, a long-distance trucker from Mount Vernon, Mo., said he and his wife, Millie, came to the convention praying that this would be “the overcoming year.” They are $102,000 in debt, and the bank has cut off their credit line, Mrs. Biellier said.

[. . .]

The Bielliers were at the convention a few years ago when a supporter made a pitch for people to join an “Elite CX Team” to raise money to buy the ministry a Citation X airplane. (Mr. Copeland is an airplane aficionado who got his start in ministry as a pilot for Oral Roberts.) At that moment, Mrs. Biellier said she heard the voice of the Holy Spirit telling her, “You were born to support this man.”

She gave $2,000 for the plane, and recently sent $1,800 for the team’s latest project: buying high-definition television equipment to upgrade the ministry’s international broadcasts.

I almost feel sorry for these poor, dumb crackers...

Tags: prosperity gospel, fundie follies, kenneth and gloria copeland are douchebags

My Pet Phone

2009-07-14T18:43:00.000-07:00

mr. olio bought me an iPhone (thanks, sugar!), and I’m having a lot of fun playing around with it. I’ve put all my contacts and a few playlists on it, of course, and I also have Shazam and a few other cool little things. I got the free Kindle app, too, which I really like—yesterday at lunch I started reading and overshot my break time by fifteen minutes. Luckily, I’m the boss, and because I’m always really busy and usually pretty grumpy, I just walked quickly back into the office with an unhappy expression on my face and no one suspected a thing. I think.

Tags: iPhone, shazam, kindle

The Obligatory Michael Jackson Post

2009-06-25T19:18:00.000-07:00

Not a fan by any means, although I really liked the Jackson 5 when I was a girl. I was impacted by his death, though, because this afternoon traffic in Westwood was particularly awful and it took me a long time to get home.

2 Jesus Juices, please! And stop staring at my eyebrows, nose, lips, and chin!

Tags: michael jackson, creepy monster face, jesus juice, westside traffic sucks

The Obligatory Heath Care Post

2009-06-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

mr. olio and I took a nice little vacation up the coast. No computers, no cell phones, no work—it was lovely. We walked on the beach and flew kites every day and read books and ate like horses every night—good times! When we got back I had another appointment with the retina specialist and got some very good news: I won’t need a fourth injection for a while, if ever.

I’m lucky in that I have insurance, but so far I’ve had to wait for over a month each time for the insurance company to authorize my treatments—and while I'm waiting for authorization I always expect to be turned down because I’ve exceeded some arbitrary limit. Oh: And they won’t even pay for the drug, I have to! And I’d be screwed if I ever lost my job and either needed to purchase my own policy or to get insurance through another employer, because then I’d be blacklisted on account of my “pre-existing condition.”

So whenever I hear politicians say “socialized medicine” means delays in treatment or compromised care, I think to myself, “That sounds exactly like what I’ve got right now, minus the premiums, co-pays, and nagging insecurity!”

Tags: universal health care, socialized medicine

Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

2009-04-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

I always wondered why chocolate is toxic to dogs...

Same Old, Same Old

2009-03-09T21:37:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Switzerland, and tomorrow I leave for the UK. In between, a virus attacked my retinas, so last Friday I had to have AN INJECTION IN MY FREAKIN’ EYEBALL. It was as creepy as it sounds.

Tags: retina, travel, wtf?

Goodbye...

2009-01-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

...you ignorant, bloodthirsty piece of shit.

“Hello?...Tony? Pootie?....anybody there?”

Tags: goodbye, george w bush, goodbye george w bush, rat bastard, goodbye george w bush you rat bastard, smug, goodbye george w bush you smug rat bastard, half-witted, goodbye george w bush you smug half-witted rat bastard

Harold and Maudlin

2009-01-11T11:16:00.000-08:00

Mr. olio had to work today, so I'm recording the Eagles/Giants game so we can watch it together when he gets home. In the meantime, I'm ~~watching~~ trying to watch Harold and Maude. I've never seen it before, although I'd always heard really good things about it. So far, though, I think it's awful.

Maybe it gets better?

Tags: harold and maude

Wow!

2009-01-08T20:18:00.000-08:00

We just had an earthquake. It felt much stronger than last year's, but it didn't last as long. It's such a freaky feeling—I'm dizzy! I hope everybody is okay...

Tags: los angeles, earthquake

Okay, So Maybe I Do Believe in Miracles...

2008-12-28T16:28:00.000-08:00

Dolphins win! Dolphins win!

Mr. olio contributed greatly to the win by yelling at the TV, and I did my share by not looking directly the the screen, and sometimes leaving the room completely, during crucial plays. It was a real team effort, and victory feels fine!

Tags: miami dolphins

This. Week. Sucked.

2008-12-07T18:57:00.000-08:00

My dear mr. olio underwent another surgery, and I had to fire a good friend...

Tags: sad

L’Etat, C’Est Moi! --god

2008-11-29T12:15:00.000-08:00

Prompted by city officials, General Outdoor sign company has removed the Freedom From Religion Foundation's “Imagine No Religion” billboard in Rancho Cucamonga.

According to Redevelopment Director Linda Daniels, City Hall had received 90 calls of complaint since Wednesday.

"We contacted the sign company and asked if there was a way to get it removed," Daniels said.

I wasn’t at all surprised by Ms. Daniel’s open admission of guilt; such a brazen “fuck you” to the first amendment typifies the smug ignorance of god-botherers everywhere.

What did surprise me, though, was that a measly 90 complaints, in a city with a population of just under 170,000, were enough to prompt such swift government action. That’s good to know, because I just might start calling City Hall every time I’m forced to look at one of these ridiculous, mind-numbing ads

while stuck in rush-hour traffic.

Bonus quotation:

In September, the city asked a different sign company to take down an advertisement on Foothill Boulevard advertising a vagina rejuvenation procedure.

OMG! Vagina! What will we tell the children?!?!?!

Tags: religion, atheism, rancho cucamonga, linda daniels, first amendment, vaginaplasty, vaginaphobia

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T17:53:00.000-08:00

Today I’m especially thankful to be home with my dear mr. olio,* and I sincerely hope that all of you are able to spend the day with those you love, too.

And now here's a picture that made me laugh out loud:

*And I’m going to demonstrate said thankfulness by cooking enough turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, asparagus, gravy, and pecan pie to kill him with.

image

I'm Shippin' Out to Boston!

2008-11-18T10:40:00.000-08:00

Boy, my new job sure is travel-intensive! Be back Monday...

An Atheist Abroad

2008-11-11T18:06:00.001-08:00

I just got back from a business trip to Italy. I stayed in Riva del Garda
and VeronaEverywhere I went, Obama's image was on the covers of newspapers and magazines, and his election was the main topic of conversation. Everyone was just so excited and optimistic. It was great!

I know these pictures are kind of shitty, but I was working, so what photos I did take were taken on the fly.

Tags: italy, riva del garda, verona

Shame on You!

2008-11-05T20:27:00.000-08:00

Proposition 8 passed.

This is a sad, shameful day for California. Religious nuts spent millions saturating the airwaves with detestable lies in order to legalize discrimination.

I have a question for all you followers out there: Now that your leaders have outed themselves, as it were, as lying sacks of shit, do you wonder what else they might be lying to you about?

Sigh.

Probably not. I mean, if decades of unchecked boy-fucking didn't turn people away from the Cult of the Cannibals, why on earth would the mere telling of lies, no matter how outrageous, prompt anyone to question the holy divinations of a convicted fraud?

Tags: religion, prop 8, mormons, lds, joseph smith was a big fat douche

w00t! President Obama!

2008-11-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

And yes, as a matter of fact, I am drunk. I'm celebrating, ferchristssake!

I'm still sweating the propositions here in California, though, especially 8. As exciting and uplifting as tonight has been, it'll be a sad goddamned day if we actually amend our constitution in order to exclude people. Fucking Mormons!

Election 08: A Supernatural Pissing Contest

2008-10-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

More proof that religious people are idiots and should just shut the fuck up already:

Before McCain spoke, a Christian pastor offered a prayer that seemed to ask* for divine intervention on his behalf. "There are millions of people around this world praying to their God -- whether it's Hindu,** Buddha, Allah -- that [McCain's] opponent wins for a variety of reasons," Pastor Arnold Conrad said. "And, Lord, I pray that you would guard your own reputation, because they're going to think that their god is bigger than you, if that happens."

I have a couple of questions for this ~~dumb hillbilly~~ ~~piss-ignorant hick~~ pastor and his ilk: First of all, are you really so poorly informed that you think Hindu and Buddha are gods? Secondly, aren’t Christians supposed to be monotheists? And finally, why should an allegedly omniscient and all-powerful deity give a rat’s ass about the opinions of mere mortals?

Jesus F. Christ, these people are a national embarrassment.

*Really? “Lord, I pray for divine intervention” only seems like a prayer for divine intervention?

** Pastor Conrad's conception of The Great and Powerful Hindu:

Tags: religion, fundie follies, pastor arnold conrad, wtf?

“It’s G-g-g-good That You D-d-d-did That—It’s Real Good!”

2008-09-17T18:18:00.000-07:00

“I don’t like people who don’t like me!”—god

Lately I’ve been hearing/reading interviews with disaster survivors (Hurricane Ike in Houston and the Galveston Bay area, the Metrolink train accident here in California) who are asked to discuss their brushes with death.

I don’t know if that many folks really attribute their survival to the intervention of a supernatural being or if the interviews are edited in favor of those who do, but it appears that a lot of people still give props to a higher power.

People seem terrified by the whimsical nature of their god and so afraid of incurring its wrath that, no matter what, they try their hardest to spin great misfortune as a positive development—which always reminds me of the classic Twilight Zone episode, “It’s a Good Life”:

Spot-on, isn't it?

Tags: religion, the twilight zone, hurricane ike, metrolink

What Do You Do...

2008-08-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

...when you haven't posted anything for a while and you think you should, but you're too ~~tired~~ ~~lazy~~ drunk to actually compose something? Why, throw up a Blogthings, of course!

You Are Boxing

You are assertive, strong, and downright aggressive.
You have the power to demolish your opponent...
And you have the endurance to make sure the job is finished.

(That's me, all right...)

What Olympic Sport Are You?

Tags: blogthings, beer blogging

I’m the King o’ the Cats!

2008-07-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl, the The King of the Cats was one of my favorite stories. If you don’t know the tale, it goes something like this:

One cold winter’s evening the sexton's wife was sitting by the fireside with her big black cat, Old Tom, on the other side, both half asleep and waiting for the master to come home. They waited and they waited, till at last he came rushing in, calling out, 'Who's Tommy Tildrum?' in such a wild way that both his wife and his cat stared at him to know what was the matter.

'Why, what's the matter?' said his wife, 'and why do you want to know who Tommy Tildrum is?'

'Oh, I've had such an adventure! I was digging old Mr. Henry's grave when I guess I must have fallen asleep, and I only woke up by hearing a cat's Meow.'

'Meow!' said Old Tom in answer.

'Yes, just like that! So I looked over the edge of the grave, and what do you think I saw?'

'Now, how should I know?' said the sexton's wife.

'Why, nine black cats all like our friend Tom here, all with white chests. And what do you think they were carrying? Why, a small coffin covered with a black velvet pall, and on the pall was a small crown all of gold, and at every third step they took they cried all together, Meow—'

'Meow!' said Old Tom again.

'Yes, just like that!' said the sexton; 'and as they came nearer and nearer to me I could see them more distinctly because their eyes shone out with a sort of green light. Well, they all came toward me, eight of them carrying the coffin, and the biggest cat of all walking in front for all the world like—but look at our Tom, how he's looking at me. You'd think he knew all I was saying.'

'Go on, go on,' said his wife; 'never mind Old Tom.'

'Well, as I was saying, they came toward me slowly and solemnly, and at every third step crying all together, Meow—'

'Meow!' said Old Tom again.

'Yes, just like that, till they came and stood right opposite Mr. Henry's grave, where I was, when they all stood still and looked straight at me. I did feel queer, that I did! But look at Old Tom; he's looking at me just like they did.'

'Go on, go on,' said his wife; 'never mind Old Tom.'

'Where was I? Oh, they stood still looking at me, when the one that wasn't carrying the coffin came forward and, staring straight at me, said to me—yes, I tell you, said to me, with a squeaky voice, "Tell Tom Tildrum that Tim Toldrum's dead," and that's why I asked you if you knew who Tom Tildrum was, for how can I tell Tom Tildrum Tim Toldrum's dead if I don't know who Tom Tildrum is?'

'Look at Old Tom, look at Old Tom!' screamed his wife.

And well he might look, for Tom was swelling and Tom was staring, and at last Tom shrieked out, 'What—old Tom's dead? Then I'm the King o' the Cats!' and rushed up the chimney and was nevermore seen.

Neat, huh?

I’ve been thinking about this story a lot lately because, quite out of the blue, the owner of the company I work for offered me the Director position. . .

. . .and today I officially accepted her offer.

MEEE-OW!

Tags: king o’ the cats, folklore, olio, now what?

image

Really?

2008-07-13T01:22:00.000-07:00

8000 people gathered in Laguna Niguel yesterday to moon passing Amtrak trains:

The crowd, which included children with their parents as well as middle-aged adults -- stood on the shoulder of a road parallel to the tracks to show themselves. The sideshow included barbecues, T-shirt sales and RV parties.

I’d never heard of this tradition before, so I Googled it and found the event Website. Apparently, the show is a real hit with passengers, and the trains actually slow down so people can get a better look.

Weird.

Tags: mooning amtrak, laguna niguel, orange county, wtf

92%? Holy Crap!

2008-06-23T19:55:00.000-07:00

Today’s LA Times cites a recent Pew survey which found that “92% of Americans believe in god or a universal spirit.” The Times poll asking its readers the same question, however, shows believers (so far) at 43.8% and the godless at 56.3%. Hooray for Hollywood!

Tags: religion, superstition, atheism

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits!

2008-06-23T18:19:00.000-07:00

“Before I cut, I, uh, want to, ah, thank you for listening to my words, man, fellow, uh space travelers.”

Tags: george carlin, seven words you can never say on television

“If There’s Success”

2008-06-16T16:20:00.000-07:00

Preznit Shitferbrains, momentarily forgetting to say we’re kickin’ ass:

We all want to take troops out of Iraq and we are. He [Gordon Brown], by the way, left a lot of troops in, more so than they thought they were going to leave in initially, and so we communicate now and, if there's success, we're going to pull troops out and I have absolutely no problem how GB is managing the Iraqi effort.

Tags: george w bush, moron, douchebag, sociopath, iraq

Breaking News: Semi-Literate Hillbillies Don’t Much Cotton to Colored Fellers

2008-06-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

Listen to this piss-ignorant cracker explain why he won’t vote for B. HUSSEIN Obama:

'We'll end up slaves. We'll be made slaves just like they was once slaves,' he said. Telvor, a white Democrat who supported Hillary Clinton in West Virginia's primary, said he planned to vote for Republican John McCain in November. 'At least he's an American,' he added with a disarmingly friendly smile.

Here’s the money quote:

'Obama might actually be the antichrist'

Hmm: Religious and racist. Isn’t that the strangest thing?

Tags: obama, racist, racism, hillbillies, wtf

And Now For Something Completely Different

2008-06-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

Islanders from Lesbos sue gay group over use of ‘Lesbian’ in name.

Tags: lesbian, lesbos, wtf

Long Time No Blog

2008-06-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

Golly, where to begin: mr. olio underwent emergency surgery and a weeks-long recovery period. He’s fine now, praise be to medical science! Life had barely got back to normal when olioboy announced his impending nuptials (he’s all growns up!). The mr. and I had a lot of fun buying fancy weddin’ duds and ordering wedding gifts, then it was off to the week-long celebration. The ceremony itself was absolutely lovely—it was held outdoors on a picture-perfect day (yes, it was secular).

And those are just the high points!

And Now, A Word from The President

2008-03-04T18:38:00.000-08:00

Obama, Clinton: I really don’t care at this point. Either way, it sure will be nice to have a non-retarded president for a change.

THE PRESIDENT: General Ray Odierno served for 30 months in Iraq. He's nominated to Vice Chairman of the Army.* And I asked him to come in for several reasons. One, I wanted to thank him. And in thanking the General, I'm really thanking everybody who has worn the uniform and served in this war against the extremists and terrorists. And in thanking the General, I'm also thanking Mrs. Odierno, and every wife or every husband whose spouse has been far away from home and is serving.
And in listening to the General, I was listening carefully to make sure that the decisions that had been made were the right decisions, and that the progress that's being made is real. This is a man who was there when times looked grim and a man who observed firsthand progress that was made as a result of the surge.**
He is a straightforward fellow who gave me his candid advice on how best to proceed—not necessarily with troop levels because that study is going on now, but in making sure that we continue programs such as what's called the CERP money. This is money for our commanders to make—to help these local folks rebuild and reconcile.
And so, General, I want to thank you for your service. And I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq. *** You were the—you and General Petraeus were a unbelievably strong one-two combination.
And my call and my assurance, sir, is that the gains that you and your teams have made will continue on, because stakes in Iraq are essential for peace, essential for freedom and essential for the security of this country. I'm honored to be your Commander-in-Chief. .

* Wrong again, fuckwit: He was nominated to be Vice Chief of Staff.

** But it's all sunshine and soda pop now, I guess. Honestly, does he think we’re as stupid as he is?

*** Classic!

Tags: george w bush, douchebag, semi-literate, wtf

Sharia Law: Decidedly Not PC

2008-02-18T08:32:00.000-08:00

An Afghan college student downloaded an article and was sentenced to death by religious “scholars” who “lacked the sophistication to understand the difference between downloading an article and writing it.”

Here’s the money quote:

"The judges did not even know the difference between a keyboard and a monitor."

And why should they? As any religious kook will tell you, the modern world is a wicked, wicked place. The Bronze Age, however, was awesome.

Tags: islam, sharia law, fundie follies, wtf

Overheard. . .

2008-02-05T19:18:00.000-08:00

…on the way to my polling place this morning:

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to assume that a black man will become president before a woman does—after all, black men were granted the right to vote before women were.

…at the market this afternoon:

The machines didn’t work—I wouldn’t be surprised if all us Democrats just voted for George Bush again!

Tags: super tuesday, barack obama, hillary clinton, 15th amendment, 19th amendment, voting machines

The Dream

2008-01-20T18:14:00.000-08:00

Tags: greydon square, atheism, youtube

One For the Books

2008-01-07T19:15:00.000-08:00

Christian men regret having “had abortions”:

In the end, Aubert says his moral objection to abortion always wins. If he could go back in time, he would try to save the babies.

But would his long-ago girlfriends agree? Or might they also consider the abortions a choice that set them on a better path?

Aubert looks startled. "I never really thought about it for the woman," he says slowly.

Jeebus.

Tags: reproductive rights, fundie follies, wtf

Peggy Pans Poofing, Prefers Paralysis

2007-12-30T12:11:00.000-08:00

Another kernel of wisdom from Peggy “feminists killed John Wayne” Noonan:

John Edwards is not reasonable. . .we can't have a president who spent two minutes on YouTube staring in a mirror and poofing his hair. Really, we just can't.

That’s right! Everyone knows a president is supposed to spend seven minutes on YouTube, staring into space while shitting his pants:

That, we can have. Really.

Tags: peggy noonan, john edwards, george bush, wtf

Toy, Bear, Blasphemy, Islam: There’s Got to be a Pun Here Somewhere

2007-12-01T10:08:00.001-08:00

A British teacher working in Sudan has been jailed for naming a teddy bear “Muhammad.” She’ll spend a few weeks behind bars then be deported, having “escaped harsher punishment that could have included up to 40 lashes, six months in prison and a fine.”

The blaspheming bear didn’t fare so well, though:

The bear’s battered corpse is displayed in the town square. To its right hangs the body of Fareeq, a plush representation of an openly gay field mouse.
image

Tags: muhammad the bear, fundie follies, religion, superstition

The Family Unit

2007-11-23T12:42:00.001-08:00

As envisioned by the forced-childbirth movement:

Father

(m)Other

Person*

*Status subject to change at birth

Tags: reproductive rights, forced childbirth

Warning: Contains Nuts/Nut Products

2007-11-18T12:32:00.001-08:00

Hey, kids! Turn your secular candy into righteous Mormon candy!

Mmm! Celestial Cleaning!

And why eat a miniature Mr. Goodbar® when you can enjoy a delicious mini-Gordon B. Hinckley instead?

Tags: mormon, lds, gordon b. hinckley

I Had No Idea Such Things Went On!

2007-11-17T11:34:00.000-08:00

A few nights ago mr. olio and I watched Darkon, a documentary about a group of people in Maryland who. . .well, I don’t want to spoil it for you. If you haven’t seen it yet, look for it on IFC—it’s amusingly unusual!

Tags: darkon

The Strike: Week Two

2007-11-11T10:27:00.000-08:00

The writer’s strike looks like it’s going to go on for a while, which means we here at chez olio are tightening our belts. We weathered the ’01 strike okay, so we’re not too worried yet.

Here’s hoping everyone gets through this without too much hardship.

You can show your support for the WGA by signing the online petition here.

Tags: writer’s strike

Déjà vu

2007-10-13T11:54:00.000-07:00

All over again:

[T]he fortunes of the bottom 50 percent of Americans are worsening, with that group earning 12.8 percent of all income in 2005, down from 13.4 percent the year before, the paper said.

[. . .]

[W]hile the IRS data goes back only to 1986, academic research suggests that the last time wealthy Americans had such a high percentage of the national income pie was in the 1920s.

Hmm…the 1920s, you say? The decade that began in the grip of the red scare? When anti-immigrant sentiments were high and the Ku Klux Klan was resurgent? The decade that brought us the infamous Scopes Monkey trial?

Oh. That sounds about right..

Tags: us economy, class warfare

Old Blackwater, Keep on Rollin’

2007-10-08T20:36:00.000-07:00

We’ve all heard the infamous Blackwater story by now:

A convoy carrying diplomats was approaching the square when a second Blackwater convoy, positioned on the square in advance to control traffic, opened fire.

But what I haven’t heard is who these “diplomats” (referred to as “State Department officials” in this account) are or if they’ve been called to give their version of the incident. Am I the only one who’s curious?

Today, the AP reports that “Iraqi authorities want the U.S. government to sever all contracts in Iraq with Blackwater USA within six months. They also want the firm to pay $8 million in compensation to families of each of the 17 people killed when its guards sprayed a traffic circle with heavy machine gun fire last month.” Further, they’d like “U.S. authorities to hand over the Blackwater security agents involved in the Sept. 16 shootings to face possible trial in Iraqi courts.”

Do you think Blackwater, with its “essential of core corporate values—chief among [them] integrity, innovation, excellence, respect, accountability, and teamwork,” will go for that?

And speaking of accountability, Blackwater founder Eric Prince is on the board of Christian Freedom International, which, according to the Better Business Bureau, does not meet required standards for "Charity Accountability.” Go figure…

Tags: blackwater, iraq

Babs Bush: Nix to Flick Chick’s Sick Shtick!

2007-09-17T19:27:00.000-07:00

“And, let’s face it, if the mothers ruled the world, there would be no goddamned wars in the first place.”
“Oh, you silly little naïf! Most soldiers are underprivileged anyway, so this war is working out very well for them…”
“Yeah! Suck it, Sally! This war is my god now!”

Tags: sally field, barbara bush, kathy griffin, 2007 emmy awards

An Open Letter to Wal-Mart

2007-08-21T20:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Wal-Mart,

Recently, I had an epiphany while watching a DVD that contained footage of your inspiring Wal-Mart cheer. For some strange reason, as the associates writhed about while screaming “Give me a squiggly!” I envisioned the sacred spermatozoa. That got me to thinking about Wal-Mart’s prudent decision to forgo selling emergency contraception, which is the reason for this letter.

What is Wal-Mart’s policy regarding prescriptions for Viagra or Cialis? In other words, before making erections physically possible, are Wal-Mart pharmacists certain that they are morally permissible? If not, I sincerely ask that you immediately re-think company policy. I suggest that all male customers tendering such a prescription be required to show a valid certificate of marriage. Further, these men’s wives should have to accompany them and show proper identification. That way, your pharmacists will know that each man is in a monogamous, church-and-state-approved union to a woman of childbearing age. Otherwise, Wal-Mart might be unwittingly abetting these men in wasting their “squigglies” on some of the same wanton women who request emergency contraception—thoughtless women who all too late regret having had sex for pure pleasure or, in the case of rape, having been foolish enough to travel about unchaperoned.

In closing, I highly commend you for your virtuous resolution to withhold emergency contraception from women. Doing so was an important step, but I fervently hope it was but the first step toward a glorious era of truly righteous retail.

Sincerely Yours,

Lee

PS: I will write again soon with my thoughts on makeup, tank tops, and beer, all of which, unfortunately, you continue to distribute with reckless disregard.

Tags: wal-mart, emergency contraception, boner pills

Profit of God

2007-08-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

I always wonder what Christians think when they read things like this:

Historian and defense industry expert Charles Patricoff believes that based on history our role in Iraq should be a permanent one. "Look at how we helped rebuild Germany and Japan after World War II. Because of the good we did there and are doing in Iraq, I don't believe we should ever leave Iraq. If we stay and rebuild Iraq, we will demonstrate to the world that we remain the best force for good in the world. More importantly, we as Christians can better influence that region for the Kingdom of God."

[. . .]

. . .Patricoff has worked in the defense industry for over 27 years. He currently works as a Sr. Contract Manager for Ball Aerospace & Technologies Corp, a major supplier for the military, NASA, and Homeland Security.

Now, I realize that critical thinking is antithetical to religious belief, so I don’t expect them to detect the false analogy or to question the unsubstantiated claims presented as fact in this first paragraph, but surely the information presented in the final paragraph makes clear to all the decidedly worldly motives behind Patricoff’s desire for perpetual “influence” in the region.

Tags: religion, iraq, charles patricoff

Math for the Null Set

2007-08-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

Here’s today’s presentation of I Shit You Not, courtesy of Christian Newswire :

This August and September, millions of children grades K-12 will be heading back to school. According to the projected figures put out by the National Center for Education Statistics, approximately 6.5 million children will be conducting their studies in private schools. In addition, an estimated 2 million children will be homeschooling (based on past trends reported by the NHERI). And all of these children, to one degree or another, will be learning math. But will they be learning math biblically?

The majority of Christian educators struggle with integrating math and the biblical worldview. Apart from an added scripture verse or spiritual thought at the bottom of the page, most Christian math curriculums differ very little from secular curriculums. Now at last there is an easy-to-read book parents and educators can use to both understand and teach math from a biblical perspective.

In clear, every-day language, Beyond Numbers dispels the common misconception that math is neutral and exposes the humanistic and naturalistic philosophies presented in typical math presentations. This book demonstrates how math points to God's character and how, when viewed from a biblical perspective, math becomes an exciting, real-life tool.

The entire second half of the book takes readers on a step-by-step journey through the teaching process. Although written with the homeschooling parent in mind, Christian school teachers, parents, and anyone else interested in viewing or teaching math biblically will find that this book contains a wealth of valuable information. The book explains how to recognize the harm in math books and how to transform math classes by teaching from everyday experiences. Practical suggestions, personal examples, curriculum reviews, and carefully documented references are all presented in a conversational, non-technical style.

The 97 page paperback book is illustrated with humorous cartoons that reinforce the book's message. Beyond Numbers retails at $8.99 ($5.99 as an eBook) and can be purchased from a variety of vendors or directly from the publisher at christianperspective.net. Media personnel can email info@christianperspective.net or call 703-352-0681 for a complementary review copy.

I am so ordering this!

Tags: religion, fundie follies, math

Another Victory for the God Squad

2007-08-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

Gays and lesbians are being forced back into the closet where they belong, or else:

Samir Shaba sits in a restaurant, nervously describing gay life in Iraq. He speaks in a low voice, occasionally glancing over his shoulder.

The heavyset, clean-shaven Christian says that before the U.S.-led invasion in 2003, he frequented the city's gay blogs, online chat rooms and dance clubs, where he wore flashy tight clothes, his hair long and loose to his shoulders.

After the invasion, he and other gays and lesbians were driven underground by sectarian violence and religious extremists. Shaba, 25, packed his flashy clothes away, started wearing baseball caps and baggy T-shirts and stopped visiting clubs and chat rooms. But he couldn't bear to cut his hair.

[. . .]

In October 2005, Iraq's leading Shiite Muslim cleric, Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani, issued a fatwa, or religious decree, on his website forbidding homosexuality and declaring that gays and lesbians should be "punished, in fact, killed."

"The people involved should be killed in the worst, most severe way," the decree said.

Giuliani is right: Thank God George Bush is our president. Our righteous leader and his glorious war have set the world on fire with religious fervor—OT-style!

Tags: religion, iraq, human rights

emusic

2007-07-29T19:48:00.000-07:00

I’ve joined emusic. I like the service overall, but they don’t have a lot of the older stuff that I’m looking for—like fanetics by Jules and the Polar Bears. I have found some good new tracks, though: “I Think I Need A New Heart” by The Magnetic Fields and “Supertheory of Supereverything” by Gogol Bordello are current favorites. Here’s “Supertheory”:

So—what are you all listening to these days? I’m paying $9.95 a month, and it’s harder than I thought to find 30 songs I really like…

Tags: emusic, the magnetic fields, gogol bordello, jules and the polar bears

I’ve Been Converted!

2007-07-22T16:50:00.000-07:00

To Macs, that is.

Mr. olio has always been a Mac man, while I’ve always used PCs. My much-loved Toshiba Satellite is 4 years old—ancient in computer years—and it is starting to act spooky-quirky, so Mr. olio bought me a MacBook Pro. I LOVE IT! It’s really fast and it doesn’t come loaded with a lot of unwanted software. I’ve spent the weekend monkeying around with it and transferring my music and other files.

I used IE before I switched to Firefox, but Mac uses Safari, and I’ve just noticed that olio looks funny in Safari—my wrapper is screwed up and all the apostrophes in my sidebar are, too: Does anyone out there have any advice on how to tweak the code?

Tags: macbook pro, safari

Getting Aggressive About The Passive

2007-07-17T19:23:00.000-07:00

I overheard someone “quoting” Jesus today. I hear people do this quite often, and it really galls me: No one knows what Jesus said, or even if he said anything at all, because he never wrote anything down—and none of his contemporaries saw fit to record his words, either. So stop bearing false witness, Christians!

Granted, the passive construction “It is said that Jesus said…” doesn’t have the same authoritative ring to it, but at least it’s intellectually honest.

Tags: religion, christianity, jesus, english grammar

I’m Tired and Cranky!

2007-07-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

This is the third weekend in a row that I’ve had to take work home.

I used to love my job, but I’ve been really unhappy lately—mainly because I’m overworked and underpaid, but also because we have a new director, and although he’s a very likable guy, he’s a terrible manager.* And the fellow who was recently promoted to second-in-command is still in the “this promotion hasn’t changed me” phase, which means he hasn’t yet learned to give clear instructions/take charge; he hems and haws and grins and drives me nuts.** But in this economy, I feel like I have to shut up and take it, you know? There aren’t that many jobs out there, and there are probably 100+ people ready to take mine. I also feel a responsibility to the company because they took me back, with a raise, after I quit and moved to Virginia for 7 months (don’t ask—all I’ll say is that it’s no place for an atheist). I never call in sick and rarely say no to extra responsibility—and because I’m somewhat of a perfectionist, I knock myself out to do everything well. And, of course, the more I do, the more I’m asked to do...

There’s no point to this post: I just wanted to say it and send it out there. I feel a little bit better now.

*The previous director was terrible, too, but at least he had the good sense to stay in his office with the door closed all day.

**Which makes me feel like a shitheel to say, because this guy is my friend.

Tags: olio, my job sucks

Uncanny!

2007-07-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

Doesn’t alleged closet case Bob “Lewdness and Indecent Exposure” Allen

look a little bit like fictional character Vito Spatafore?

And the resemblance doesn't stop there: Bob and Vito are both married. Bob and Vito are both fathers. Bob and Vito are both members of powerful crime families (Although to be honest, the Republicans make the Sopranos look like pikers).

Tags: bob allen, vito spatafore

Tagged

2007-06-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

I’ve been tagged by Greg at Free Mind Joe.

1. All right, here are the rules.
2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
3. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
4. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
5. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Well okay , then:

I’ve been happily married for 27 years; I fell in love with my husband the very minute we met.

I’m an avid reader, and I never give or throw books away. I suspect that mr. olio gets pretty pissed about that last fact every time we move.

I put polo shirts on my dog (empty-nest syndrome run amok).

I rarely go to the movies, but I can’t wait to see Transformers and SiCKO !

I hate to shop. I only do so when I know exactly what I’m looking for and can buy it quickly and then get the hell out of the store.

I’ve never watched Cheers, Friends, Law & Order, or any of those CSI shows. I saw one episode of 24 because everyone at work was going on and on about it. The “hero” beat the shit out of a bound man (and I think he shot him in the leg, too). I got the creeps and never tuned in again.

I like to watch baseball and football but think basketball is stupid.

I have a bad habit of putting pens and pencils in my mouth—even when they aren’t mine. I know, it’s gross—but I do it without thinking!

I tag

Is That a Jinn in Your Penis, Or Are You Just Glad to See Me?*

2007-06-18T16:53:00.000-07:00

This morning I visited a Website teeming with straightforward answers to probing questions concerning Islam, aka the religion of peace:

I like this site because it has a helpful and informative jinn page. Did you know that these supernatural creatures can get married and have children? It’s true!

Jinn can have pets, too. Of course, we haven’t yet discovered what kind of pets they have, but we do know that these mysterious animals eat feces. Simple deductive reasoning leads me to think this is why some jinn like to live in bathrooms.

If you’d like to know if you have jinn in your home (and you probably do), remember that it is the bray of a donkey—not the crow of a rooster—that signifies the presence of jinn. Roosters are only useful for angel detection—although you may as well check for angels while you’re at it, right?

*Bonus jinn fact: A favorite prank involves entering the penises of non-vigilant humans during sex.

Tags: religion, islam, jinn, wtf?

Are All Religious People Idiots?

2007-05-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven’t met all of them, but…

Kathryn Lehan, author of Save Yourself! The Plain Truth, had questions about God and couldn't get a straight answer so she wrote a book full of plain truths about God and how to radically transform your life with one simple prayer. She's not a pastor, a minister or a divinity student. She's just like you and me.

She sure is! Just like everyone else, whenever I have unanswered questions I just pull any old absurdity straight out of my ass and lovingly christen it “the plain truth.”

Here’s a shiny nugget of wisdom from Lehan’s irreproachable tome:

The first time I read the Pentateuch, I remember thinking how all they did back then was kill animals right and left, and I wondered how they had time to do anything else. Luckily God decided this wasn't working so well, particularly for the animals, or maybe the earth was running dangerously low on animals with all the sinning going on, so God stopped this practice. This may be what actually happened to bring about the extinction of the dinosaurs! We'll talk more about how and why animal sacrifice stopped in Chapter 4.

Right on, Kathryn! As written in Matthew 26:73, “Surely thou also art one of them, for thy speech betrayeth thee”!

Tags: religion, save yourself!, kathryn lehan, fundie follies, wtf?

An Emboldened Tinky Winky Vows Renewed Efforts in Furthering Homosexual Agenda

2007-05-15T20:19:00.000-07:00

Now my power will know no bounds! Ahhahahahahaha!

Tags: jerry falwell, tinky winky

The Obligatory Falwell Post

2007-05-15T17:41:00.000-07:00

My favorite quotation from the Tubby Televangelist:

"Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions."

So true.

Tags: jerry falwell

Look On Your Works, Ye Mighty, and Despair!

2007-05-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

Editor and Publisher takes a look back at our millionaire pundit class coming in their pants over Commander Codpiece and his infamous “Mission Accomplished” stunt. Here’s a taste, courtesy of Maureen Dowd:

The tail hook caught the last cable, jerking the fighter jet from 150 m.p.h. to zero in two seconds. Out bounded the cocky, rule-breaking, daredevil flyboy, a man navigating the Highway to the Danger Zone, out along the edges where he was born to be, the further on the edge, the hotter the intensity.
He flashed that famous all-American grin as he swaggered around the deck of the aircraft carrier in his olive flight suit, ejection harness between his legs, helmet tucked under his arm, awestruck crew crowding around. Maverick was back, cooler and hotter than ever, throttling to the max with joystick politics.

Compared to Karl Rove's ''revvin' up your engine'' myth-making cinematic style, Jerry Bruckheimer's movies look like ''Lizzie McGuire.''

This time Maverick didn't just nail a few bogeys and do a 4G inverted dive with a MIG-28 at a range of two meters. This time the Top Gun wasted a couple of nasty regimes, and promised this was just the beginning.

Great googly-moogly!

Hey, Maureen: Your boy had another photo op the other day:

Why didn’t you write glowingly about that? It’s not too late, you know. Here, I’ll help get you started:

His large, rough hands, calloused from years of clearing brush, swinging golf clubs, driving pickups, and other thoroughly manly pursuits, skillfully caressed the taut, waiting skin of the drum.
He slowly licked his lips and began to sway those storied jogger’s hips to the hypnotic, pulsing rhythm. He waited for what seemed an exquisite eternity before decisively striking, bringing paroxysms of fevered delight to the spellbound crowd.

As the music swelled, he at last let himself go, beating harder, and harder, and—oh god—harder still.

What do you think: Was that a Dowd-worthy paean to Bongo Boy?

Tags: george bush, iraq, mission accomplished, editor and publisher, maureen dowd, media whores

Yipes! Stripes!

2007-04-30T21:12:00.000-07:00

I’ve been on my ass with a particularly nasty cold-flu hybrid, so I took the opportunity to test Ernest Angley’s magical healing prayer:Lord, I bring the sick and afflicted to you today: the cancer victims, the heart patients, those with diabetes and all manner of sicknesses and diseases, the little ones that are afflicted. Healin the holy, all-powerful name of Jesus! Heal, in the blood name of Jesus! And we know, Jesus, with your blood stripes they're being healed right now. Heal! Heal, I pray! Amen and amen.
After repeating the prayer, all I had to do was “just watch all improvements daily and get well.” That’s it. No doctor, no medicine, nothing.

Now, I’m not sure if this is the same prayer that Angley uses to cure AIDS, but it works pretty darned good on colds: I’m beginning to feel better already, and it’s only been two weeks!
Tags: religion, superstition, ernest angley, bullshit artist

3305

2007-04-16T18:51:00.000-07:00

From October 2006 through last month, 532 American soldiers were killed, the most during any six-month period of the war. March also marked the first time that the U.S. military suffered four straight months of 80 or more fatalities. April, with at least 58 service members killed through Monday, is on pace to be one of the deadliest months of the conflict for American forces.

[. . .]

On Monday, the military announced the deaths of seven more American troops - three soldiers in Baghdad and two Marines in Anbar province on Monday and two soldiers in Fallujah on Saturday. The deaths brought the total number of American military fatalities in Iraq to 3,305, according to icasualties.org.

link

Tags: iraq, iraq casualties, bush twins

Easy Easter Bible Quiz

2007-04-08T17:22:00.000-07:00

How many people came to the sepulcher the morning of Jesus’s resurrection?

A) 1

B) 2

C) 3

Was the stone still in place when they arrived?

A) Yes

B) No

Who did they see there?

A) the angel of the Lord, sitting on top of the stone

B) a young man, sitting inside the sepulcher

C) two men, standing next to them

D) two angels, sitting where the body had been

Congratulations—you scored 100%!

Answer Key:

A, B, C
Yes, No
A, B, C, D

Tags: bible quiz, religion, christianity, easter

The Godless Gourmet

2007-04-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

What a week! I usually post a YouTube whenever I’m too busy to blog, but this time I thought I’d try posting something different—one of my recipes.

Chili a la olio

3 tablespoons oil

½ pound sirloin, cubed (I buy stir-fry beef then cut the strips into small cubes with kitchen scissors)

2 tablespoons McCormick Montreal Steak seasoning

¾ box button mushrooms, coarsely chopped

¾ box cremini mushrooms (aka baby portobello), coarsely chopped

1 medium yellow onion, coarsely chopped

3 stalks celery, coarsely chopped (use some of the leafy tops, too)

1 large red bell pepper, seeded and coarsely chopped

4 cloves garlic (6 if they’re small), finely chopped

2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

1 chipotle pepper in adobo, finely chopped (you can remove

some/all of the seeds if you prefer milder chili)

1 tablespoon ground cumin

1 bottle beer (any lager)

1 16-ounce can black beans (don’t drain)

1 16-ounce can crushed tomatoes (don’t drain)

1 cup beef stock

2 tablespoons fresh thyme leaves

Garnish (optional):

½ cup mild yellow cheese (Gouda is a good choice), grated

1 small white onion, finely chopped

Heat a large, deep skillet over high heat.

Add 2 tablespoons oil, the meat, and the grill seasoning.

Sear the meat for 2-3 minutes, then reduce heat to medium and push meat to one side.

On the “clean” side of the skillet, add another tablespoon of oil, then the mushrooms. When the mushrooms begin to brown and shrink (about 2-3 minutes), stir them once quickly then push them off to the side with the meat.

Add the remaining vegetables (onion, celery, red pepper, and garlic) to the clean side of the skillet and cook for 2-3 minutes, then mix the meat, mushrooms, and vegetables together.

Add the Worcestershire, chipotle, and cumin. Stir quickly to mix, then add the beer.

Stir/scrape the bottom of the skillet well to deglaze. Simmer until the beer has reduced by half (about 2 minutes).

Taste, and if you want it spicier, you can add a little more (¼ teaspoon or so) adobo sauce from the can of peppers.

Add the beans, tomatoes, beef stock, and thyme and simmer for 10 minutes.

This dish only takes about 30 minutes to make (for me, stripping the thyme leaves from their stalks is the most time-consuming step). Try it—it’s good!

Tags: chili, godless gourmet

Jesus, Thy Rod Doth Not Comfort Me

2007-03-31T11:05:00.000-07:00

What is it with religious people and the human body? Remember nutty old John “Let the Eagle Soar” Ashcroft and his battle with the pointy tits of Justice?

I think Sweet Jesus is a wholly appropriate, thought-provoking Easter theme, but apparently some people strongly disagree:

The hotel and the gallery were overrun Thursday with angry phone calls and e-mails about the exhibit. Semler said the calls included death threats over the work of Cavallaro, who was described as disappointed by the cancellation.

An edible Jesus shouldn’t be in any way offensive, because lots of Christians eat him every Sunday. I guess they don’t want to see his holy package. Maybe it’s too big, too small, or too brown—who knows?

Anyway, the exhibit was canceled, but here’s Tom Waits performing "Chocolate Jesus." Enjoy:

Tags: religion, chocolate jesus , sweet jesus , cavallaro, tom waits

The Perfect Ending to a Perfect Day

2007-03-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

Just got home from a long but rewarding day at work, and now I’m listening to Richard Dawkins on NPR’s Fresh Air (89.3 KPCC here in LA). Give it a listen if you can; the topic is…oh, you know what the topic is!

I’ll catch up on my comments while I listen…

Tags: atheism, richard dawkins, npr

Sunday Cartoons for the "White and Delightsome"

2007-03-25T16:02:00.000-07:00

Enjoy:

Tags: religion, mormonism, youtube

Theodicy for Theidiots

2007-03-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

More pearls of wisdom from John Calvin! Apparently, god is omniscient but not omnipotent:

For God's collection of a Church for himself, from time to time, from the children of Abraham, rather than from the profane nations, was in consideration of his covenant, which, being violated by the multitude, He restricted to a few, to prevent a total failure.

Well, that certainly clears a few things up, doesn’t it?

BTW, my Calvinist commenter is back—anyone want to join the conversation?

Tags: religion, calvinism, wtf?

Questions? Concerns? Call 1-800-TOUGHSHIT

2007-03-18T17:59:00.000-07:00

Because I’d never really thought about the concept of predestination before, I wanted to know more about it—but apparently that’s just not humanly possible:

[. . .] let them remember that when they inquire into predestination, they penetrate the inmost recesses of Divine wisdom, where the careless and confident intruder will obtain no satisfaction to his curiosity, but will enter a labyrinth from which he will find no way to depart. For it is unreasonable that man should scrutinize with impunity those things which the Lord has determined to be hidden in himself; and investigate, even from eternity, that sublimity of wisdom which God would have us to adore and not comprehend, to promote our admiration of His glory.

That non-explanation was actually quite helpful to me. I finally understand why so many religious people go all gooey when the ever-petulant George W tells everyone to shut the fuck up. I know, I know—I’m slow on the uptake sometimes, but I get it now: It’s the authoritarianism, stupid!

Tags: religion, calvinism, wtf?

Some Thoughts on Calvinism

2007-03-17T10:04:00.000-07:00

I received a comment* a few days ago that prompted me to think about Calvinism/predestination. I Googled the man himself and learned some remarkable things, such as

[w]hen we attribute foreknowledge to God, we mean that all things have ever been, and perpetually remain, before His eyes, so that to His knowledge nothing in future or past, but all things are present; and present in such a manner, that He does not merely conceive of them from ideas formed in His mind, as things remembered by us appear present to our minds, but really beholds and sees them as if actually placed before Him. And this foreknowledge extends to the whole world, and to all the creatures.

So an omniscient god can see, this very minute, everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen. It seems to me an easy leap to think that everything is predestined, then, not just salvation/damnation. Everything that has happened, is happening, or will happen is meant to happen, all part of what Calvin termed god’s “gratuitous” plan. And in that case, if I may borrow the words of my commenter, “there is nothing I can do about” anything.

And people say atheists have a pessimistic worldview?

*And I was nice in my reply—I didn't say anything about his spelling.

Tags: religion, calvinism, atheism

Housekeeping

2007-03-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

This morning I tried to post the Supersuckers’s cover of Hey Ya! using Project Playlist, but Blogger kept telling me the HTML tag wasn’t closed. I drove myself nuts monkeying around with the code before I finally gave up and did some housework (which is what I should have been doing in the first place). The housework is long finished now, and I’m still dead set on posting that tune. I’ve given up on Project Playlist, though, so I searched good old reliable YouTube and found this cool video:

And speaking of housekeeping, since I switched to the new version of Blogger I've been periodically adding titles/tags to old posts. Apparently this means old posts are republished as new ones, so those of you who read olio via rss feed will be taking a non-voluntary trip down memory lane for the next week or so.

Tags: supersuckers, music, youtube, peanuts

Hmm…What Rhymes with Blastula?

2007-03-08T23:11:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is PZ Myers’s 50^th birthday. Richard Dawkins has penned a birthday poem, and Pharyngula readers are posting their own poems/greetings in a comments thread. Here’s my effort:

I think that I shall never see another quite like dear PZ.

The man who blogs for you and me will soon turn half a century!

The man who makes the fundies cry when he explains ID’s a lie

by showing them the alterations in nature’s most bizarre creations.

A family man with wife and kids, who intimately studies squids

’cause he prefers cephalopods to any silly man-made gods!

Be honest: It’s a masterpiece, right?

Tags: pharyngula, pz myers, poetry, misc

This Post was Supernaturally Translated Via the Magic-Rock-In-Hat Method

2007-03-06T17:53:00.000-08:00

It looks as though Mitt Romney is the GOP candidate to watch:

Mitt Romney's friends will tell you that he's as wholesome as they come. He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke -- and he doesn't curse.

Maybe there's an occasional "aw shucks," but that's about it.

The GOP candidate's supporters say he's a devout Mormon who's all about faith, family, and trying to do what's right.

Wow—this Mitt Romney guy sounds shuckin’ awesome! I’d like to help him out by suggesting an equally awesome campaign slogan:

Gott Mit Romney

What do you think? It’s short (and therefore suitable for bumper stickers, buttons, or belt buckles), it’s a play on words (“mit” and “Mitt”—Cute!), and it connotes a "certain something" that I think many Republicans will find very attractive.

Tags: mitt romney, religion, politics, humor

Out On the Highway, Rollin’ a Wheel-O

2007-03-04T15:27:00.000-08:00

Mr. olio and I rode in the LA Bike Tour this morning. Here’s a picture of my super-cool medal:

We had to get up very early and sit in a pre-dawn traffic jam, but it was totally worth it—we had a blast. Afterward we ate a big breakfast and then went back to bed. Good times!

Tags: la bike tour, los angeles, misc

Long Time No Blog! (Super-Duper Asterisk Edition)

2007-02-28T20:24:00.000-08:00

If anyone out there is wondering about my absence, olioboy was in town. Mr. olio and I really enjoyed seeing our darling boy again, and we hated to see him go. I didn’t really keep up with current events during his visit—is Anna Nicole still dead?

Anyhoo, I’ve just poured my self a BIG Ketel One and tonic (mmm!) and visited the Christian Newswire,* where I found a review** of ~~The Stockholm Syndrome~~ Eternal Christianity, a new book I can’t wait to read:*** Here’s the crux:

Jim Cronfel believes "conversion comes from the awareness of eternal conscious torment," that "[Christianity] is about fleeing hell and sin."

So Mr. Cronfel and I agree that religious belief stems from fear. I imagine that he would disagree with me, though, when I say that fear of “eternal torment” after death (and therefore any religious belief based on that fear) is irrational or that I think ingratiating oneself with one’s potential torturer in order to avoid torture is a dynamic too perverse to contemplate, much less willingly embrace. I mean, I can understand it, I guess, but it’s still sick.

*Christian Newswire’s “Featured News Outlets” include Drudge Report and NewsMax.

**This book reviewer must’ve been “homeskooled”: Her punctuation skills suck.

***After it appears in my local library, that is—I’d never give this nimrod a dime.

Tags: religion, eternal christianity, atheism

Well, I'll Be a Monkey's Uncle!

2007-02-12T18:56:00.000-08:00

It's Darwin's birthday!

I tried to find a suitably festive "birthday Darwin" picture via Google, but I was unsuccessful. So I decided to make one, even though my Photoshop skills aren't so hot.* Oh, well: it's the thought that counts, right?
Celebrate responsibly, everyone!

*Seriously: It took me forever to cut out that silly little hat.

Tags: darwin

Atheist Manifesto

2007-01-31T19:06:00.000-08:00

Tonight I started reading Atheist Manifesto: The Case Against Christianity, Judaism, and Islam by Michel Onfray. I think I'm going to enjoy it:

No hatred for the man on his knees, but a fierce resolve never to collude with those who urge him to adopt this humiliating posture and keep him there. Who would not sympathize with the victims of fraud? And who would not approve of battling the perpetrators?

I had a really long, tiring day at work today, and yet I have a feeling I’m going to be up half the night, reading…

Tags: atheism, atheist mainfesto, michel onfray, monotheism, christianity, judaism, islam

Tomato, Tomahto...

2007-01-24T17:43:00.000-08:00

Potato, potahto... Let's call the whole thing off.

Tags: iraq, vietnam, cnn, oops!

Some thoughts on the 34th anniversary of Roe v Wade

2007-01-22T18:04:00.000-08:00

I had to work late today, so below is a snippet of my last year’s Blog for Choice post:

I don’t usually quote bumper stickers, but in this case the expression “Against abortion? Don’t have one” provides an excellent summation of my pro-choice views. To me, choice is simply allowing a woman control over her reproductive life, giving her the freedom to decide when and if to bear children—and what reasonable person would want it any other way?

Tags: roe v wade, blog for choice, pro-choice

A Better Good Book

2007-01-21T14:11:00.000-08:00

Here’s an open challenge to any religious people lurking out there: Put away your holy book for 3 months and read Aesop’s fables instead. I contend that you’ll find the fables to be just as useful as, if not superior to, your present text.

Aesop’s fables are morally instructive: They illustrate the foolishness of negative behaviors such as greed and false pride, while promoting honesty and a sense of fair play.

Aesop’s fables are family friendly: They do not contain genocide, infanticide, or rape.

Aesop’s fables are civilized: They do not promote animal sacrifice or slavery.

Aesop’s fables are inclusive: They are not racist, misogynistic, or homophobic.

Aesop’s fables are practical: They do not list any silly rules about what we must wear or eat.

Aesop’s fables are easy to understand: They often conclude with a clearly stated moral, so people are unlikely to argue over different interpretations.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. So what do you say? Are you willing to take the Aesop challenge?

Tags: religion, aesop, atheism

An olio Exclusive!

2007-01-15T18:24:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched George W. on 60 Minutes and was surprised to hear him take sole credit for the new war plan:

“[M]y attitude is if we were to start withdrawing now, we’d have a crisis in our hands in Iraq,” Bush explains. “And not only in Iraq but failure in Iraq will embolden the enemy. And the enemy is al Qaeda and extremists. Failure in Iraq would empower Iran, which poses a significant threat to world peace. So then I began to think, ‘Well, if failure’s not an option and we've gotta succeed, how best to do so?’ And that's why I came up with the plan I did.”

Curious, I searched the Googletubes and found what I believe to be the above-referenced plan:

Jet pilot, cowboy, and now military tactician: The man's a fucking genius.

Tags: george w. bush, dumbass,

iraq

, 60 minutes

9/11, Terror, al-Qaeda, Brutal Dictator, Justice, Freedom, the Almighty, 9/11

2007-01-09T22:03:00.000-08:00

Besides all of the above, I wonder what W is going to say tomorrow? My guess is that he’ll go all balls-to-the-wall “Decider” on us, insisting that an escalation is the only way to win in Iraq. He’ll say this even though he knows that he has neither a real military plan nor sufficient troop levels to implement one—because he also knows that Congress will fight an escalation. It’s a good strategy, really: It will allow him to go to his grave maintaining that he could have won the war, if only those dirty hippie defeatocrats hadn’t stood in his way.

Tags: george w. bush, iraq, troop surge

San Francisco Values

2007-01-07T10:11:00.000-08:00

Watch the YouTube embed below, then click here and here for more information about these “San Francisco values” that, oddly, don’t merit attention on FOX News.

Who enables these vile folks

to spew hate constantly?

M-I-C

K-E-Y

M-O-U-S-E!

Tags: hate speech, disney, spocko

He Watches Soaps Religiously

2007-01-06T09:41:00.000-08:00

Batshit fundie assaults soap star in order to “exorcise the devil” from him:

Carl Raymond Cheney of Portland, OR came onto [Hogestyn’s] property and ran at his daughter carrying a bible screaming "Where is he? I will cast him out!" Hogestyn says Cheney was "calling me by my stage name... recalling past storylines, especially the demonic possession of several years past. But more important, he thought I was dead, because the show that aired on Friday 12.29.06 left my character John Black shot & presumed dead."

Is anyone not surprised that this poor man has difficulty discerning between fact and fiction?

Tags: religion, fundie follies, wtf?, days of our lives

God is Love, Bitchez!

2007-01-02T20:01:00.000-08:00

Except when he isn't, that is:

"Evangelical broadcaster Pat Robertson said Tuesday that God has told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would cause a 'mass killing' late in 2007."

Don’t worry too much, though: “The Lord didn't say nuclear.”

Tags: religion, fundie follies, wtf?

No Atheists in Foxholes?

2007-01-01T11:49:00.000-08:00

Apparently not:

"Privates lie beside officers. Soldiers beside Marines. Muslim troops beside Christians and those of other faiths."

I guess the Washington Post has never heard of the MAAF.

And check out this bullshit rhetorical question, taken from an otherwise straightforward article about atheists in the military:

"Would a soldier really die without faith?"

Sigh.

Tags: atheism, military

Mmm ! Tastes Like. . .Tradition!

2006-12-31T10:03:00.000-08:00

My family has always eaten a dish called Hoppin’ John—a mixture of rice, pork sausage, and black-eyed peas topped with a little sauerkraut—on New Year’s Day. My grandmother said the black-eyed peas brought health and the sauerkraut brought money (like most southern farm women of her day, she was very superstitious—she also said a dropped dish towel meant unexpected company was coming).

Although I don’t believe in the magical powers of peas or cabbage, I always make Hoppin’ John on January 1^st.

What traditions do you observe on New Year’s Day?

Tags: hoppin’ john, new year’s day, superstition, tradition

Saturday “Wish” List

2006-12-30T23:06:00.000-08:00

I Wish I Was Your Mother Mott the Hoople

Sweet Baby James James Taylor

Hey Hey What Can I Do Led Zeppelin

Wish List Pearl Jam

Party Girl Elvis Costello

Talk of the Town The Pretenders

I Wish It Would Rain The Temptations

Everybody Wants to Feel Like You John Prine

Wish You Were Here Pink Floyd

I Wish I Was In New Orleans Tom Waits

I’m going to switch over to the new Blogger within the next few days—wish me luck!

The Problem is Apples, Not Oranges!

2006-12-29T15:35:00.000-08:00

I'm no rhetorician, so I don't quite know what to make of this:

"The problem is atheists, not scientists," said Barr. "There are far more scientists who are religious than scientists who consider themselves opponents of religion.”

Religious belief among scientists has been on the decline since 1914, right? Right. So is it just me, or is this quotation somewhat…ambiguous? Has any survey ever attempted to track whether or not non-religious scientists identify as “opponents of religion”? And, for that matter, have religious scientists ever been asked if they oppose any religion that differs from their own?

Technorati tags: religion, science, atheism

Who Says Atheists Aren’t Joiners?

2006-12-25T10:02:00.000-08:00

I’ve just been added to the Atheist Blogroll—thanks, Mojoey! All interested infidels can join here. I’ve also re-upped with the new and improved Atheism Online. As of yesterday there were only 17 or so atheist blogs listed, and there used to be around 200, so go forth, ye godless, and register!

I Am NOT the Messiah!

2006-12-24T17:00:00.000-08:00

For your holiday viewing pleasure, here’s a clip from an old favorite, Monty Python’s The Life of Brian:

Technorati tags: monty python, life of brian, religion, youtube, humor

Believe It or Not, He’s The Reason for the Season

2006-12-23T20:25:00.000-08:00

Here are the facts, as written and as attested to by countless followers the world over: God was born of a virgin on December 25th, and his birth was attended by no one save lowly shepherds.

He lived a simple and celibate life on earth, but to those who believe, he “giveth increase, he giveth abundance, he giveth cattle, he giveth progeny and life.” Further, he “protects the soul of the just against the demons that seek to drag it down to Hell.”

And yet, despite these concrete, historical proofs, and despite the fact that multitudes have worshipped him for centuries, today some poor souls have never even heard his name—and many who have deny his truth as mere legend!

That must make god very sad. Why won’t people accept him? It’s odd, especially since the incentive to do so is great: Through him, we will be “born again” and “enjoy forever a blessed immortality.”

Just think about that for a minute: Immortality. According to ancient, sacred wisdom, that means that after we die, we’ll live forever !

That’s just an incredible offer, isn’t it?

So let’s all take a moment, during the hustle and bustle of the holidays, to reflect on the miraculous birth and instructive life of Mithra, the real reason for the season.

Merry Mithramas, everyone!

Technorati tags: religion, mithra, atheism, cotg

George Washington!

2006-12-21T19:49:00.000-08:00

Technorati tags: YouTube, george washington, humor

Goodbye, Pepsi

2006-12-15T22:07:00.000-08:00

Pepsi, the sweetest little Basenji in the world, died tonight.

We’re really going to miss you, Pep.

Technorati tags: pepsi, basenji, pet obituary

Dude: Do You Even Hear Yourself?

2006-12-12T21:53:00.000-08:00

George W. Bush:

Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die.

y-o-u-i-g-n-o-r-a-n-t-f-u-c-k-w-i-t-y-o-u

Technorati tags: george bush, dumbass, wtf?

Like Peas* in a Pod

2006-12-12T21:38:00.000-08:00

It looks like Catholicism isn’t the only religious cult that features institutionalized child molestation:

Rule 19 says that mujahedeen may not take young boys without facial hair onto the battlefield - or into their private quarters, an attempt to stamp out the sexual abuse of young boys, a problem that is widely known in southern Afghanistan but seldom discussed.

* Ignorant, bloodthirsty, boy-fucking peas

Technorati tags: religion, child abuse